Primeiro dia – Parte I

Primeiro dia – Parte I

O dia amanhece, são 7h da manhã, estou cansada, mas ansiosa. Visto minhas roupas e botina, desço para o café da manhã com os meus colegas de hostel, fico um pouco perdida, não sei o quanto como, se muito para me manter bem alimentada, ou pouco para não caminhar de barriga cheia…mil questionamentos e nem tinha começado a caminhar. Quando termino, Yvone já está pronta, se despede e começa a caminhar, penso que não queria ir sozinha, pelo menos não no início, Mary ainda está no Hostel e decidimos caminhar juntas. Com a ansiedade no corpo me empurrando porta a fora esqueço que irei caminhar 27 km e que não será uma trilha fácil, pra mim ela ainda é desconhecida, sigo como um passeio e não me alongo, não me preparo para essa jornada. Seguimos, conversando, eu com o meu inglês básico e ela com toda a sua paciência em entender o que eu estava dizendo, com um mapa nas mãos sabíamos apenas que não poderíamos subir os Pirineus devido a neve, por isso faríamos uma rota alternativa.

Já se foram 8km e visivelmente cansada, sento, acredito que era perto das 13h, paramos para comer um sanduíche, reforçar as calorias para seguir. O meu despreparo começa a me castigar, quando percebo que estou subindo um morro, coberto de neve, minhas pernas cansadas começam a fraquejar, Mary está inteira, focada! Caminha na minha frente, pois está com o passo mais rápido. Piso de mau jeito em uma pedra e caio de joelhos, uma dor inexplicável, preciso me sentar para respirar. Mary fica preocupada, mas quer manter o ritmo e nessas horas não se pode parar, grito para ela seguir, que já já a alcanço, levanto e continuo, mas por causa da dor eu não consigo ir muito rápido, estava no meio de uma montanha, não vinha ninguém atrás, apenas a Mary estava na minha frente, que também começava a se afastar. Eu estava ofegante e com a garganta seca por causa da neve e do ar gelado, preciso parar. Ela diz que vai continuar, mas que se eu não aparecesse logo iria chamar ajuda. Eu concordo e fico um pouco sentada, quando me dou conta que sou eu e aquela montanha coberta de neve fico muito assustada e sigo, o choro é inevitável, sinto uma sensação de derrota, de querer desistir, já foram 20km , faltam sete. Caminhando com dor só consigo pensar que não queria mais aquilo, porque estava fazendo aquilo comigo mesma, porque? Porque? Porque?

Ainda com dor e subindo a montanha, encontro uma estrada, era o fim da trilha na montanha, alívio por um lado, pois agora a caminhada seria no asfalto, algo mais plano para o meu joelho que dói. Meu passo é lento, percebo pessoas passando por mim, um deles, um homem de mais ou menos quarenta e poucos anos pergunta se estou bem, porque estou mancando. Me pergunta em inglês, e eu respondo: Yes, i’m ok! Mas minha vontade era de dizer: Não! Não estou, quero minha casa! Quero parar! Faltam 2km para chegar em Roncesvalles, cidade que já odiava por nunca aparecer! Nunca chegar!

Eu não aguento e me sento no asfalto em um acostamento. Respiro fundo e penso se vou conseguir… A resposta ainda é uma incógnita, pois só depende de mim. E agora? Nessa hora pedi para Santiago, o Santo do Caminho, que me ajudasse. Nessas horas precisava buscar forças além de mim.

 

Espero ele responder ou sigo? 

Por Gabi

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